we have pet lesbian snakes
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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