He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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