i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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