I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
