false alarm. still invincible.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
