actually, I'm a sock model
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
