Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
