Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize