my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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