Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
