I'm lost and stupid without you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
