that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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