I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
