I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
