all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
