It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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