It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize