question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
