you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
