you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize