I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
