maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
