there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
