dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
