I want to make a zoo with you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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