I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You smell like stripper and shame
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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