goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
