And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
