I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
