Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
