I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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