my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize