I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
