Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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