Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
