I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
