my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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