so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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