This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
