this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
