Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
