if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
