Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize