It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize