you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
