You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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