I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize