you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize