I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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