it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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