yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
