theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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