Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
sex in a hospital.. check
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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