first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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