I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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