i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
