i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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