the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
