Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
