I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
