dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
