FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
