Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
