Me. At least after what I've been through.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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