I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
