That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
