We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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