Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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