hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
