Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
