I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
