i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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