you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
