He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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