It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
