Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
