i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
