I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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