I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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