Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
