; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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