i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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