I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
