don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize