My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
