just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
