I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
