I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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