So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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