I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize