Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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