I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
