how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this boner is exhausting
no you cant smoke seaweed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
