I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
