Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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