Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
