Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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