i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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