Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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