I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Screwed.edu
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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