If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
