Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
