I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
