Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
