she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
