Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
