Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
