oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
