While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
