I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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